Most of the problems in any relationship originate from a lack of communication, or from communicating the wrong way. We enter love with the best version of ourselves and the hope of a future between two people. But as time goes by and the honeymoon phase passes, we realize love is more complicated than the intense attraction you feel when you first meet, or how happy you both look on social media. Love contains ups and downs, the good and the bad. After the butterflies fade away, we see our partner for who they truly are, and vice versa. If you want to maintain that love in a healthy way, you must learn how to talk with your partner properly.

When love feels hollow, it’s because two people no longer understand each other. You can start a relationship with a strong connection, but as time goes by, you stop communicating. We are human beings; we’re constantly changing and evolving. If you don’t talk, you won’t be able to know what each other is going through, and you keep assuming they are still the same person they used to be instead.

Talking means expressing yourself sincerely, saying what your heart wants, and clearing away any fogginess between the two of you. For example, if his behavior bothers you, you should find a way to tell him that. Not saying anything makes him assume that you’re fine, when deep down, you’re not. This creates a mismatch, because each person has a different perspective, and this is where distance begins to grow. Every time you swallow your truth, that distance expands a little further. Until one day, you look at your partner and feel like they are a stranger. You simply don’t know them anymore or feel any connection with them at all. This can go both ways. When you stop communicating, you stop sharing the same reality with your loved one, and you slowly drift apart.

Now you know the importance of proper communication, but I’ll narrow it down to five things, five topics you should talk about with your partner regularly, so that you always stay connected on a deep level. Pay close attention, especially to the fourth one, because it will turn your romantic relationship to a new page (in a good way, I promise).

1. Tell Him What Bothers You

This is the first thing I want you to talk about with your partner, since women, or people with strong feminine energy, tend to suppress their emotions. The nature of feminine energy is passive, receptive, flexible, nurturing, and healing. It means that, as a woman, you tend to receive whatever the world throws at you and transform it by yourself. However, you are not entirely feminine. We all have both Yin and Yang within us, and when Yin reaches its highest point, it gives birth to Yang, just like in the Yin Yang symbol.

If you only receive, endure, and suffer, it will eventually reach a breaking point, where your emotions take over and you burst out. That’s why you have to communicate what bothers you, what you don’t like, and what you don’t want to experience. Being upfront about your feelings is not a masculine behavior; it’s how you set standards and boundaries, so that the feminine within you has a safe place to function. Being sincere with your partner helps you release your emotions instead of suppressing them. As a result, you will feel clearer and lighter. Don’t feel guilty about whether your emotions might hurt your partner. It’s more important to free yourself than to worry about protecting everyone else’s feelings.

The things that bother you can vary. It could be his behavior, his family, his friends, or any random situation that makes you feel like your feelings are being ignored. You should find a good opportunity to talk to him calmly and sincerely, because if you don’t, there’s a high chance it will all burst out the next time you have an argument. Talking with your partner and explaining your emotions also gives him a chance to clarify things, and together you can solve the problem.

For example, if you don’t have a good feeling about one of his friends, don’t swallow it. That nagging feeling turns into suppressed emotion. Even if you try to hide it, it will still find a way to leak out, like having an attitude whenever your man hangs out with that friend. This can quickly lead to a big fight if you can’t control your emotions. However, when you decide to talk with him, you give him a chance to understand your perspective, while also allowing him to explain his friend’s side. Together, you can find the root of the problem, come up with a solution, and both feel satisfied with the outcome. Communication is the way to find common ground, so that you don’t have to carry suppressed emotions.

Every big fight starts with a small moment when one of you decides to swallow your truth. Of course, you can work through your feelings on your own, but what’s the point of having a partner if you can’t share them? You don’t need to suffer alone. A true man is willing to work through things with his woman and even sacrifice his time, relationships, or resources so that she feels safe and comfortable. Healthy love means understanding each other. Don’t be afraid to be honest about what bothers you and to set boundaries. That’s how both of you stay on the same page. You talk things through while they’re still small, reducing the chance that they turn into a much bigger fight in the future.

2. Tell Him About Your Anxiety, Jealousy, and Insecurities

This part is about being vulnerable. Show your partner that you’re still a human being. You still have your down days, when you’re not sure about yourself or your journey. You can face life alone, but sharing it with your loved one makes the burden feel lighter. Also, when you’re brave enough to admit your weaknesses, you take the first step toward getting better. The key to overcoming your insecurities is acknowledging them first. Only then can you begin to improve. Being vulnerable with your partner gives you the opportunity to shine a light on your shortcomings. From there, you can begin to grow and nurture those parts of yourself with greater awareness.

During your relationship, there will be triggering moments when you meet someone who is younger, smarter, or more successful. These people can make you feel like you’re not good enough, leading to jealousy and insecurity. When you talk about those feelings, your partner can help you process the negative emotions and reassure you of their love. If they do something that triggers your shadow, talk about it so they can change their behavior next time. That way, they won’t unconsciously hurt you or make you feel ignored.

Insecurity usually comes from your own trauma and emotional wounds. Be honest with your man so that he can make you feel safe, make you feel loved, and give you the space to feel and heal. However, it always comes back to you and your own battle with your shadow self. No matter how well your boyfriend behaves, if you’re insecure, you’ll find a way to feel it. In the end, you still need to do the inner work yourself. Your man is there to support you, but he can’t do all the work for you. It’s also not his responsibility to constantly monitor his behavior just to avoid upsetting you. When you feel secure within yourself, you’ll be able to navigate your emotions more easily, without always needing to tell your man about them. However, it’s still important to talk with him about your boundaries, so that you’re less likely to feel inferior or ignored in the future.

3. Tell Him What Makes You Happy

Enough about the things that trigger your negative emotions. Love is not about being pessimistic all the time. You should also tell him what makes you happy, especially the things he does that make you feel loved and appreciated. Men can’t automatically understand your emotions. They treat you the way they think you’ll like, but only you know what satisfies you the most. Tell him what you like, and you’ll save both yourself and your man a lot of time spent guessing.

When he does something you like, tell him. Express your happiness. Tell him how happy you feel when he does it. Men, or anyone on Earth, respond better to compliments than complaints. Instead of focusing on the bad side, look at the good and amplify it. Seeing you genuinely happy triggers his masculinity. He will repeat that same gesture and try to create new happy moments for you. Happiness is contagious. Affirm it, and more will come to you.

Not only in daily life, but in the bedroom as well, you should tell him what he did well and what you like. Don’t fake it. Fakeness has its own kind of energy, and your man can sense it. Be sincere about what you want, and don’t hesitate to express yourself when you reach the climax. You can be introverted all the time, but don’t hold back your words in the bedroom. This is a safe space where you’re free to be yourself, and free to enjoy your own pleasure. Tell him how you like it, describe your feelings and sensations to him, and he will go out of his way to satisfy you the next time. The more you compliment him, the more you’ll get his best performance, both in intimacy and in life.

4. Tell Him Your Deepest Desires and Fantasies

This point may seem like a taboo topic, because what if what you fantasize about is considered immoral? But when you truly connect with each other, when you create a safe space for one another, you feel comfortable expressing who you are, even the deepest corners of yourself. Suppressing your taboos only makes them stronger. They grow silently the more you try to avoid them. True love and healthy love mean that you are safe to be yourself, and you can explore your deepest desires with your loved one, or at least have them on your side.

However, this topic is sensitive, and you should talk about it carefully. You must understand your partner, let him be truthful about his fantasies first, and then talk about yours. One tip I usually apply before talking about a sensitive topic is to reverse the roles. If he suggested the same thing, would I accept it? If I’m okay with him having the same fantasy and experience, I will slowly approach it. Of course, this should be discussed in an appropriate setting, where both of you are comfortable enough to express your deepest desires. Make sure there is no judgment, no ego involved, just look at the fantasy in its rawness, and see if you guys have common ground. Exploring your desires together is a quick way to deepen your connection, but only when both of you are on the same page and genuinely excited about it.

When your love enters the phase where both of you feel secure within yourselves, and you know that your partner loves you, you guys will be free to enter a new phase, where you try new things together. This happens when you and your partner become a team, two but one. There is no conflict, no misunderstanding between you guys. You’re clear about everything, and that’s when you can explore new fantasies.

Telling your partner your desires means you trust them, you feel safe with them, and they will appreciate it. If the role is reversed, be happy first because they trust you enough to tell you their deepest dreams. Put your judgment aside and let the idea sink in. You don’t need to do it; just talking about it with your partner is enough. It means you’re no longer hiding a part of yourself from them. They see you clearly, without any mask. The feeling of being completely seen and embraced, nothing can compare. You feel like yourself, and you’re happy, you’re free, knowing that someone out there accepts every single part of you.

5. Tell Him What You’re Going Through

This is nothing more than updating each other about life. You don’t need a special occasion or a serious setting to have a big talk. It can simply be your daily conversation, where you tell him what you’re going through, what you’re up to, and update him about your life and how you feel.

We’re changing every moment; we’re not the same version of ourselves we were last month, last week, or even yesterday. Talking daily, even about irrelevant topics, gives him the chance to see your life through your own lens. Without thinking too much about it, he already absorbs your energy. He knows your current version, he knows where you stand with your job, your friends, and your family. As a result, he won’t be surprised when these aspects of your life come up. He already knows about them from daily conversations with you.

Besides gossiping, you can talk to him about your journey. If you learn something new, whether it’s a language or a hobby, share with him where you are, what struggles you encounter while learning it, and what makes you feel good and entertained when doing it. These small talks may seem irrelevant, but they open the door for your partner to enter your world. They don’t need to accompany you all the time, but they can still know what you’re going through. The more they are exposed to you and your inner world, the more they fall in love with you. The initial attraction is what pulls them in, but the understanding and exposure they gain through knowing you are what make them fall even harder. Knowing that you’re a normal human being, but uniquely yourself, is what makes them stay.

There is a beautiful experience in knowing someone completely and loving them more than anything. The more you are yourself and stay true to your soul, the more you allow your man to love every single part of you. A love that transcends the physical body.

You Are a Team, Not Two Separate People

The goal of proper communication is to turn you and your partner into a team. You both understand each other, and you find common ground, where each person sacrifices a part of themselves so that the other feels comfortable and happy. True love means you do it willingly, without suppressing emotions or holding silent resentment. When you understand each other fully, there is no argument when you both enter a social setting. Others can see how healthy your love is; it seems like both of you always support and accept each other. When you solve a problem as soon as it appears, it never has a chance to take root and burst out later. Everything is under your control, and you can navigate your emotions in any situation. After all, it’s about having a healthy love that you’re happy with.

To maintain a strong love, you must regularly talk to your partner. Whenever a new trigger shows up, you clear it out to make sure distance can’t grow between you. Be vulnerable, be sincere, and create a safe space for both of you. Know that you are a team. Always put the team above personal desire, or better yet, stay single. If you love someone enough, you will understand this approach. Love means compromise, so both people can find common ground. Learn to talk, and learn to listen without judgment. Create the same safe place for your partner to be themselves. When both of you feel unconditional love, the love for who you truly are, you are happy, and you bloom in life.