In Buddhism, there is a famous saying:

“One thought of anger can open countless doors to suffering and karmic consequences.”

When you’re furious, you burn all your good karma in a second, and you open the door to hell in reality. Getting angry means not only hurting your loved ones, but also being hit by regret after the heat wears off. I see no benefit in being a hot-headed person, only the suffering of the people around them and themselves. Although anger issues are often the result of upbringing and one’s social environment, no one deserves to be shouted at or mentally abused. If you use your rage to get your way, you are spreading that negative energy into the world, and later, it will come back to you.

The core principle of Buddhism is karma: you reap what you sow. So when you plant a seed of anger, it will bloom later, and you will have to experience the same situations you created for others. This could be a boss with a bad temper or your child with anger issues. You’ll have to deal with people whose rage you have no choice but to endure. Or it might be the world showing that fury back to you through bad weather, aggressive animals, or random incidents. They all happen to show that karma exists, and that you must take full responsibility for your life.

When you’re angry with others, you’re angry with yourself

Our level of awareness is shaped by our parents, upbringing, and the society we grow up in, so each one of us knows different things. We perceive the world through the knowledge our parents teach us when we are children, and then we continue to learn more in school and in the companies we work for. Because your experiences are completely different from mine, what I know and believe will be different from what you know and believe. We act according to what we trust, our own standards and rules of life, and those are different as well.

When you’re triggered by someone, it could be their appearance, the way they talk, their voice, their tone, or the way they behave. It doesn’t mean they’re wrong or stupid; they just haven’t learned it along the way. A person’s behavior is shaped by the way their parents raised them and the society they grew up in. So if their background is significantly different from yours, you can’t expect them to know what you know or behave just like you. Imagine a person who was born in the West traveling to the East for the first time. You wouldn’t expect them to use chopsticks perfectly, right? It’s the same if someone doesn’t know how to speak properly, has no etiquette in public, or doesn’t know how to express their feelings. They don’t mean it intentionally; it just doesn’t exist in their dictionary yet.

Someone doing something wrong, according to your own standards, is not their fault. First of all, are you sure your way of doing things is the right way? Have you ever checked whether what you were taught is actually accurate? For example, throughout my teenage years, I believed that women gave birth through the anus, so I would look down on or judge anyone who said otherwise. Only after learning the truth did I realize how stupid I had been. Or when I was still chasing the dream of “marrying rich,” I would get unreasonably furious when my best friend chose an average guy instead of a wealthy heir. Most of the time, if we’re triggered by something or someone, there is a lesson we must learn from that person or situation.

Secondly, let’s say that your knowledge and standards are accurate. It’s normal for others not to be on the same level as you. It’s not their fault that they don’t know how to speak properly or that they can’t work with that new machine. They simply haven’t been taught yet. They have no choice but to act foolishly because that’s how their parents, family, and social circle behave. You see, if it’s not their fault that they do something stupid, why do you get angry or react to something that is out of that person’s control?

If you trace it back, the fault must lie in their family, their society, their country, or even their ancestors. But aren’t their ancestors your ancestors too? Didn’t you and they evolve from the same species, Homo sapiens? How about blaming that ignorance on the Universe, the Creator, the Source? Whoever created this world in the first place must take responsibility for that person’s ignorance. But the Source is within you, and you are the Creator. When you get angry with someone, you’re angry with yourself. You’re angry with the world, with the Universe, and ultimately, you resent life itself.

When you react to an ignorant person, you’re ignorant yourself

In the case of a person acting foolishly, it’s not their fault. They don’t do it intentionally. In Buddhism, we call these people “ignorant.” They are lacking knowledge, education, or awareness about something. If you know these people don’t act with the intention of harming you, why react in a way that could harm them or yourself? When you’re triggered and angry with an ignorant person, you’re just as ignorant as they are. Your reaction is exactly what supports that behavior and allows it to keep growing and spreading. You do nothing good by punishing that person with your anger.

When you get provoked, you shout, you raise your voice, and you emotionally abuse others. That anger you throw out doesn’t just disappear. The person in front of you, or the people around you, absorb it. They suppress it for a while and burst it out later when they encounter someone weaker, someone who has no ability to fight back or protect themselves. For example, at work, you have to endure your boss’s bad temper. Then, at home, you tend to shout at your children and your partner because the suppressed emotions from work need an outlet, and your family seems like an easy target. They don’t fight back. They still support you no matter what. They’re always there. Your kids then become easily irritated by their friends or even a random animal, and they continue spreading that anger to the world.

Your bad temper may seem innocent at the time, like when the car behind you keeps beeping so you lash out, or your kid just won’t stop talking so you shout. But that could be the beginning of a new character. You never know which moment is the one in which you create a villain, someone who will harm others in the future the same way you harmed them, or even worse.

Usually, children, animals, and the Earth are the last targets in this world because they have no ability to protect themselves. People who grow up in abusive households tend to abuse other people and animals, and if they have the chance, they damage the Earth as well. These are exactly the people who destroy the Earth for personal gain. Their suppressed anger is passed down from their hot-headed fathers or other family members. You might think that one moment of wrath is nothing and that the child deserves that punishment, but you have no idea how you may have pushed them to the brink of becoming evil.

Reacting to someone you consider “ignorant” means taking part in that wave of ignorance. You are no better than them if you argue with them. Calling them stupid won’t lead to improvement; it only makes things worse by creating a reaction force. Later, that negativity will either spread to the world or come back to you directly. Either way, you’re losing. You make this world full of war and conflict simply with a single thought of anger.

How to deal with people properly?

I know, people are people. They drive you crazy sometimes, or even most of the time. How can you deal with them without getting angry or leaving them with trauma? I mean, take the high road. If you know that person is ignorant, just let them be. Don’t react to them, don’t argue with them, and don’t try to prove that you’re smarter or anything. Just ignore them and move on. That’s how you protect your own energy and avoid getting caught up in theirs.

Depending on your relationship with that person, you could consider telling them to change. A person acts foolishly because they don’t have the knowledge or education to act better, so you should be the teacher and show them the right way. They didn’t receive that knowledge from their parents or society, so in order for them to change, someone must eventually tell them the truth. They don’t know what they don’t know, so tell them.

Remember that ignorance means darkness. These people operate from their subconscious mind; they act unintentionally. The proper way to deal with them is to shine light on their dark corners and act with awareness. Stupidity and anger are the same, they are darkness. To burn them away, you turn on the light. Be mindful when you interact with these people. Sit them down and tell them that what they did was not right, that it hurts people, and that they should change.

Usually, if you react to people with anger, they become defensive and want to fight back. But if you lower your ego and talk to them calmly, they are more likely to do the same. However, each person reacts differently to a mindful and sincere conversation. Some accept it, while others get triggered by it. You could even be hated or resented for telling people the truth. That’s why I told you to consider your relationship with that person. Only your loved ones deserve this kind of honest conversation. You never know how others will react if you tell them what they did was wrong, so it’s better not to waste your time and energy on everyone. Talk to the people you genuinely care about, and ignore the others. Let them live their lives in ignorance. When the time comes, they will wake up.

You don’t always need to be the smartest person in the room or prove it to others. You know who you are, and that’s enough. You will encounter situations where someone loudly claims that they know something. Let them have all the attention because it doesn’t matter. You know your truth, and you live by it, so why bother proving it to the world? Living your life quietly and peacefully should be everyone’s goal. Unless your job requires you to speak up, don’t bother.

However, this state of calm and a peaceful mind, even when the world is in chaos, needs practice.

It doesn’t come naturally, as every one of us is born with ignorance. We all have our own weak spots, where we are easily triggered by people, and vice versa. So how can you deal with your anger? Even if you know it has nothing to do with others but yourself, that emotion is such an irritating experience to go through.

I must have talked about this multiple times on my blog, and I will repeat myself like a broken record here: you are not your emotions, and you are not your thoughts. Your anger is not real. It comes and goes just like clouds, and you are the sky. Although there might be times when the clouds cover the sky, when the sun rises and the day becomes clear, you see the sky again. Do not identify yourself with the clouds or your emotions. Just let them float by and disappear on their own.

When anger arises, don’t react, don’t over-explain it, and don’t blame yourself for getting angry. Just let it be. Observe your emotions. Watch how your body changes, how your facial expression becomes tense and frowns, and how your mind creates different scenarios where you fight or break up with that person. Observe everything, feel it fully, and let it be. After a while, the anger will disappear, making way for a calm state of mind. This is your true self. You see everything as it is, and you don’t react. Watch your anger, feel it, and release it. With time and practice, you will no longer be triggered by the same situations.

Of course, having the ability to watch your emotions arise is another lesson that requires time and effort. It’s about expanding your awareness enough, so that you have the space to notice the sensations in your body before you react. I wrote a blog about how to expand your awareness, and you can check it out here. The basic practice to start with is meditation, breathwork, long walks, or literally anything that helps quiet your mind so that you can observe your thoughts as if you were watching television.

In the end, please remember that your emotions are not the truth. They point you toward the aspects of your life that you should work on, not to justify shouting at or punishing others. No one owes you anything, especially being in a position where they are abused. They endure your bad temper because they love you. If you don’t change, the time will come when people wake up and realize how badly you’ve been treating them. They will leave and live the life they deserve. Only your family, especially your parents, may tolerate your behavior until the very end. Everyone else owes you nothing. They can move on at any time.

By all means, being ignorant, foolish, or stupid is not someone’s fault, so they shouldn’t be treated that way. They deserve to be treated with sympathy, understanding, patience, and kindness. If you can’t do that, please step aside so that better and more suitable people can take your place. Work on your anger, or there will always be a reserved place in hell for you instead of a ticket to heaven.