Getting criticism is a part of work and life. You can never make a perfect product or artwork the first time you do something. It requires hard work, practice, trial and error, in order to reach the final outcome. Throughout your journey in life, you will encounter situations where people come to you with criticism and skepticism. They point out what you did wrong, what needs to improve, and how you can do it better. This is normal. Everyone has to go through this process, from being a child learning at school to growing up and starting a career. For some people, they even receive criticism daily as part of their upbringing if their parents are strict. Others may grow up with everyone praising them, but at some point in life, they still have to face critical or controversial comments. So, learning how to deal with this situation should be a life survival skill, because criticism could be a vital step toward helping you reach your full potential.

Of course, we have to distinguish between constructive feedback and hateful comments that come from jealousy or insecurity. If people attack you and your work because of their own trauma, you don’t have to worry about it. Their opinions say more about them than about you. However, we can easily mistake these two for one another, especially when we let our ego conquer our mind. When you don’t accept the truth that you’re not good enough yet, or that you still have to practice more, you make up excuses for why things happened the way they did and for how you feel when people give you negative feedback. It’s simple: if you feel triggered when facing criticism, you still have work to do within yourself.

Emotionally Secure People Don’t Get Triggered

I read an article about how Chinese actresses deal with negative comment about their look, and the story of Brigitte Lin (the legendary star of Chinese-language cinema) caught my attention the most. She said:

“Once, while I was walking down a street in Taiwan, two girls coming from the opposite direction looked at me and said, “She’s so ugly. So ugly.”

My first thought was, That can’t be right. I actually look pretty good today.

I found the whole thing more amusing than upsetting. I wasn’t really offended, I was just confused about why they would say that, because there’s no way I could be that ugly. I figured they probably just wanted to get a reaction out of me, so I didn’t pay much attention to it.”

This is quite a different reaction compared to other actresses, who often argue with anti-fans about how beautiful they are or launch entire marketing and social media campaigns to prove their beauty. Brigitte Lin was just so calm and laid-back when people called her ugly because, deep down, she knew she wasn’t.

This is how truly confident people react when others try to trigger them. When you really embody something, whether it’s a quality, a virtue, knowledge, or wisdom, you simply have it within yourself. You know it is the truth, and you don’t need reassurance from the world. If people praise you, that’s fine. You don’t get overly excited or brag about it too much. On the contrary, if someone tries to speak badly about you or leaves hateful comments, you feel nothing but indifference. Because you know who you are and what you have, it doesn’t affect you when people say otherwise. You don’t go out of your way to explain or prove yourself. You let people be people, and you focus on yourself and your own journey.

Emotional security is not about how beautiful you are, how much money you make, or how many awards you’ve achieved. It’s about genuinely working hard for what you have, and knowing it. If a person reaches where they are through their own effort, they will be truly confident about it. The journey of working for what they want creates a firm foundation on which their self-esteem is built. They don’t get affected by criticism or skepticism because they know who they are, they know how hard it was to reach their current position, and they know how to do it again. No one can take that away from them. That’s why they’re bulletproof against both praise and negative comments.

On the other hand, if someone stands in a position without true ability or effort, they will forever feel insecure and uncertain about it. They will aggressively protect their position and tear down anyone they find intimidating. The difference between an emotionally secure person and one who isn’t is whether they truly have the ability and value to match that position.

People who were born with a golden spoon are a little different. Unlike those who worked hard from the starting point, they were born with it. Some people start at the finish line that others can only wish for. They’re wealthy, extremely beautiful, well-educated, kind, and compassionate. However, if they don’t have good parents who pass down those qualities to them, they can still grow up to be insecure people. This depends on how their parents or family made their money. If it is good money, money earned through hard work, then the children are more likely to inherit those same virtues and become emotionally secure people. If you work hard for what you have, you will know how to teach your child to do the same. And those are the kids with good karma.

However, if the parents make dirty money, money earned by hurting other people, animals, or the planet, then their kids may grow up to be assholes. They are arrogant, they tear people down, and they flex their wealth because, deep down, they know they don’t deserve that position. They get triggered when people call them spoiled, talentless, or a nepo baby, and they constantly try to prove their worth. These are the kids who were born with bad karma. So even if their family is wealthy, they still need to learn from the starting point again in order to develop that emotionally secure mentality. It’s all about your value and your ability, about knowing whether you deserve that place or not. No matter how much money you have or how hard you try to prove yourself, deep down, you know.

People Who Have Accepted Themselves Behave the Same Way

True confidence is not only about knowing your strengths, but also about accepting your weaknesses and mistakes. We are human beings. We are not perfect. We’ve all done things we’re not proud of, and we often feel unsatisfied with our lives, no matter how good they are. The key here is acceptance, knowing that nothing in life is perfect. So instead of forcing yourself to be well-rounded, you simply accept everything the way it is. People who embody this truth are not only proud of their gifts and talents, but also grateful for their weaknesses. Knowing your shortcomings is the first step toward changing them. Then improvement occurs naturally when you consciously acknowledge your flaws.

Authentic people, people who love every single part of themselves, accept their past and their history. They take full responsibility for their mistakes and actions. They know what they did wrong, and they’ve made amends for it. These people move on with life. They work on themselves, and they learn the hard lessons. No one can use their past against them, for they have already faced their shadow, accepting the truth that they used to be a worse version of themselves, that they made mistakes. But this is how life works. You level up, you change your mindset, you realize your faults, and you forgive yourself because that version of you didn’t have the wisdom you have now. You did your best with everything you knew at the time. Now you know better, so you do better.

If you can’t face your past, it will haunt you forever. By looking directly at it, you strip away the power your past holds over you. For the first time, you can taste freedom. How relieving it is to completely accept yourself, the good and the bad, the ups and downs, the light and the shadow. By embracing every part of yourself, nothing can affect you anymore. You hold your head high, you look people straight in the eyes, you walk with confidence, and you have nothing to hide from yourself or the world.

This state is not something people are naturally born with. It requires effort, bravery, and consistency. You have to do shadow work. You need to face your darkness. You have to accept that you were wrong, that you did bad things, and you have to forgive yourself for them. This is a long process, that only people who are brave enough to go through it can experience the gift of liberation.

Most of the time, when you see a confident person, it’s not simply because they know their strengths, but because they are proud of their flaws as well. Focusing too much on your strengths can lead to arrogance, while understanding your own shortcomings humbles you. Together, they create balance. You always stand in the middle, where everything is calm and clear, a place where you can see both yourself and others more transparently. Nothing has the power to bend you or break you, and you don’t do that to others either. You don’t criticize, mock, or talk down to people. You don’t flatter people or sugarcoat your words. You’re just unapologetically yourself.

If You’re Triggered, There’s Work to Be Done

Emotionally secure people don’t get triggered. If someone judges them, criticizes them, or even offends them, they simply move on. Their energy field is whole. It works like a shield, a mirror that protects them from wasting their time, and reflects anything negative back to the person sending it. On the contrary, if something bothers you, if you get hurt or offended, then you have to work through it.

When people criticizes you, they could be right or wrong. Their intention might be purely constructive, or it could come from personal jealousy or hatred, it doesn’t matter. What matters is how you react to their comments. If you’ve worked your ass off, you’ve done your best, and you’ve tried everything within your ability, then you have nothing to worry about. Your soul knows you did a good job, and no one can take that away from you. But if you did things half-heartedly, if you took the short and easy way, if you ignored flaws or small details, if you could have done better but simply didn’t, then when people criticize your work, you will get triggered. Deep down, you know you haven’t tried your best, you know you need to put in more work, and you know there is still room for improvement. Unless you consciously accept that you’re choosing to do things in a mediocre way, you will have to work on your ego and your relationship with criticism.

Being triggered is the point where things can enhance, but you have to put your ego aside and admit it. If something can still be improved, then improve it. Don’t be stubborn. Being triggered means that, deep down, you want to be better, to dress better, walk better, have better posture, better conversation skills, or perform better at work or school. Don’t let yourself fall into a victim mentality. No one has anything against you. Most of the time, people simply hope you can make things more excellent. If someone gives you negative feedback out of jealousy, that’s their own problem. Just as I mentioned above, emotionally secure people simply move on and ignore those comments. It’s only when you have something hidden inside you and someone touches it, that they can trigger a negative reaction.

Being triggered is your torch, the light that leads you to your hidden corners, where your true self, your essence, is buried. Follow that light, and you’ll find the gift that has been waiting for you the whole time.

When your negative reaction comes from something you can still improve or change, then take action. But if it’s something you have no control over, such as your body, your brain structure, or your parents, then you have to accept it, make peace with it, and find the gift within it. Turn that weakness into your strength, something only you have, your specialty. Don’t strive for perfection. Perfection is boring. What makes someone stand out, what makes people remember you, is your uniqueness, something that belongs to you and that no one can imitate.

Often, it is something we criticize ourselves for because it’s out of the norm, it’s not the standard. But that part you were so insecure about is what makes you stand out. It’s what makes people stay. We often resonate with the underdog, with someone who is flawed but keeps trying anyway. No one feels motivated by perfection because no one can reach that level. People are inspired by someone with shortcomings but trying anyway. It makes people feel like no matter how imperfect they are, they can still make it. So a flaw in your appearance, your skills, or something you consider wrong or not mainstream, can become your strength, your unique selling point, your greatest power. Learn to love it, and then you can spread that love to the world.

When you accept and love every part of yourself, no one holds power over you anymore, and nothing can trigger you. It’s not that you’re comfortable with your current version and choose to stay the same. You still learn and level up along the way. Knowing yourself helps you decide which feedback is worth receiving and which isn’t. You take people’s comments as motivation to become better. You accept what isn’t good and consciously improve it next time. If you’re hurt, start looking inward. That’s where you can refine and polish yourself.

The world is full of noise. Everyone has opinions about literally everything, including us. Our perspective on something is based entirely on our own ego and experience. It is not the truth, and it is not the way things or people truly are. So when someone gives a comment, it comes from their world and their ego. It doesn’t have anything to do with you or your world. But if you are triggered by it, then there is a lesson to learn, a secret to discover, and a broken part of yourself to heal. Whether someone consciously wants to hurt you or not, it doesn’t matter. How you react to it is what matters more, and that’s the inner work you have to do. Being triggered is the starting point of reclaiming a hidden part of yourself, if you approach it the right way.